After difficult experiences, beliefs about ourselves can take root inside us. Things like "it's my fault," "I'm not safe," "I can't do anything," or "I'm alone."
These beliefs may not be true logically, but they can feel true in the body and in emotions. EMDR doesn't try to force these beliefs into something positive. Instead, it helps you safely explore where these beliefs came from, and move toward beliefs that fit who you are now.
Below are common negative self-beliefs that can emerge after trauma, organized into five domains. The positive cognitions (PC) in the right column can be revealed by tapping.
This list is not a test with right answers. As you read, notice whether your body responds to any of these sentences, rather than your mind.
A tightness in your chest, a lump in your throat, the urge to tear up, or even wanting to quickly skip past a sentence with "that doesn't apply to me" can all be signals.
The interpretation belongs to you. Rather than a therapist selecting for you, the process of you finding the sentence closest to your experience is where EMDR begins.
Responsibility: Defectiveness / Self-Worth
Beliefs that arise after an experience where you came to feel fundamentally flawed or inadequate. The cause of what happened gets internalized as a problem with who you are.
| Negative Cognition (NC) | Positive Cognition (PC) |
|---|---|
| I am bad. | I am good.tap to reveal |
| I am unlovable. | I am lovable.tap to reveal |
| I'm not good enough. | I am good enough.tap to reveal |
| I am incompetent. | I am competent.tap to reveal |
| I don't matter. | I do matter.tap to reveal |
| It's my fault. | It's not my fault.tap to reveal |
Rather than "I'm not good enough," this may show up as "I'm a disgrace to my family" or "I've brought shame to my parents." Defectiveness is often experienced not as an individual failing, but through one's role and standing within family and community. The sense of being flawed is inseparable from relational expectations like filial duty and saving face.
Responsibility: Action / Guilt
Beliefs rooted in the feeling that you should have done something differently, or that you failed to act when you should have. These beliefs grow stronger when you underestimate the information, power, and options that were actually available to you at the time.
| Negative Cognition (NC) | Positive Cognition (PC) |
|---|---|
| I should have done something. | I did the best I could.tap to reveal |
| I did something wrong. | I learned / can learn from it.tap to reveal |
| I should have known better. | I do the best I can.tap to reveal |
| I'm inadequate / weak. | I am adequate / strong.tap to reveal |
| I am unforgivable. | I'm fine as I am.tap to reveal |
This domain can manifest as "I couldn't talk back to an elder," "I should have endured it," or "I failed in my filial duty." Guilt is often tied to compliance within hierarchical relationships. Behind "I should have done something" may lie the cultural expectation that one must defer to elders or endure suffering for the sake of family.
Safety / Vulnerability
Beliefs that persist after a threat has passed, where the body and mind continue to feel as though danger is still present. These emerge when past and present conditions of safety become confused.
| Negative Cognition (NC) | Positive Cognition (PC) |
|---|---|
| I am vulnerable. | I can protect myself.tap to reveal |
| I am going to die. | I survived.tap to reveal |
| I am not safe. | I am safe now.tap to reveal |
| I can't trust anyone. | I can choose whom to trust.tap to reveal |
| I'm in danger. | It's over. I can move beyond it.tap to reveal |
This can intertwine with beliefs like "I should just endure it" or "you don't talk about these things with others." Acknowledging vulnerability may feel equivalent to being "weak." When the cultural expectation is to suppress pain and maintain composure, the very act of feeling unsafe can become something to hide.
Control / Choices
Beliefs that carry forward from experiences of powerlessness or having no options, leaving you feeling as though you still have no control or agency in the present.
| Negative Cognition (NC) | Positive Cognition (PC) |
|---|---|
| I am helpless / powerless. | I have choices now.tap to reveal |
| I'm trapped. | I'm free.tap to reveal |
| I am not in control. | I'm in control now.tap to reveal |
| I can't handle it. | I can handle it.tap to reveal |
| I am out of control. | I'm in control of my reactions.tap to reveal |
| I cannot trust myself / my judgment. | I can trust myself / my judgment.tap to reveal |
Helplessness can merge with fatalism or familial obligation: "my life isn't mine to decide" or "I have to live the way it was laid out for me." When the absence of choice is normalized as "just how things are," it becomes difficult to even recognize the helplessness itself.
Connection / Belonging
Beliefs connected to rejection, exclusion, discrimination, loneliness, and relational wounds. They often manifest as a sense of "I can't connect with people" or "I don't belong anywhere."
| Negative Cognition (NC) | Positive Cognition (PC) |
|---|---|
| I can't connect. | I can connect.tap to reveal |
| I don't belong. | I do belong.tap to reveal |
| I am invisible. | I deserve to be seen.tap to reveal |
| I'm different, and that's not okay. | I am myself, and that's okay.tap to reveal |
| I'm alone. | I'm not alone.tap to reveal |
"I'm the only one who's different" and "I never quite fit in anywhere" can be deeply tied to immigration, biculturalism, generational divides, or falling outside social expectations. When the loss of belonging is not a personal choice but a result of structural exclusion, these beliefs hit especially hard.
The beliefs left behind by memory are not your truth.
They are traces of experiences that haven't been fully processed yet.
Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: Basic principles, protocols, and procedures (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
EMDR Institute. (2024). EMDR therapy worksheets and resources for clinical practice.